IT'S A SAD SAD SUVINI hate it when I have the feeling that I’m about to cry. When I feel my tears welling up, and my face gets flushed. I hate it even more when I have to hide my emotions just because I don't wish to explain myself to people, just because I want them to not worry about me. I'm tired of hearing those "Are you okay?", "Cheer up" etc because I always have to lie and say "Yes I'm okay!", "Yes, I'll cheer up!" when deep down I'm so not okay. I want to be okay I wish to be okay I hope to be okay I am trying to be okay but still I am not okay because I dont know how to be okay. But nevermind because its okay not to be okay. It's been so long since I had a good cry and I look even worst than shit now with muffin eyes and reindeer nose.
People always say expectations lead to disappointments. Oh so when you don't expect, you won't be disappointed. They always say to be prepared for the worst so when the worst happens, you will get less disappointed, less hurt. CRAP. In fact, when the worst happens, you are not gonna get hurt any lesser or whatsoever. It just make you worst. Because inside of you, you're still holding onto the little inch of hope that eveything will turn out the way you wanted it to be.
BUT IT DIDN'T.
So you just gotta accept it and get over it. Pick yourself up and try even harder the next time. That's life. I (act as if) don't care if people look down on me, mock at me or whatsoever, although its still haunt me when I know people are constantly judging me. I'm just disappointed in myself and I hate it when I feel this way because I feel like punching myself but I dare not to. Life just sucks like that. No one said life is going to be perfect. I've came to a conclusion that studies is not my forte so instead of wasting my talents I should just consider being a construction worker, learn how to build a bridge and then build it to get over shits in life.
